We're All Equally Human by Susan Jones

Author:Susan Jones [Jones, Susan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Lesbian; Christian; LGBT; New Zealand; Spiritual journey; Christian Church approach to LGBT; Help for LGBT young people
Publisher: Philip Garside Publishing Ltd
Published: 2022-01-15T00:00:00+00:00

11 – The umbrella may be colourful, but it needs to be wide

[CW// Talk of dysphoria, body image and appearance in this chapter.]

Charity emails the week after her cousin’s weekend visit, arranging time and place. She ends with a tantalising “What till you hear what I’ve got to tell you!” followed by several emojis expressing shock and awe.

We meet the following Thursday, arriving in the door of The Cup at the same time. We order at the counter together, exchanging comments on the weather, (which is unseasonably cold), and on Charity’s hat this week, a squashy cap with deep brim, a glorious patchwork creation in rainbow colours.

I am bursting with curiosity but hold back on the questions while we’re in the queue. At last, we are in our usual booth. “Well, spill,” I say, leaning forward.

“Well…!” says Charity with a twinkle in her eye.

“Well?”

“You know Skye was here last weekend. She’d told me she had something to fill me in on, so I was agog. It took a while for her to warm up, but eventually she blurted out that she’s going to come out to her family this week on her 21st birthday weekend.”

“Come out?” I repeat stupidly.

“Not coming out like I came out. I thought it was that at first. I started to tell her it wasn’t as bad an experience as I had feared. But she interrupted and said she wasn’t a lesbian. She’s going to come out to her parents as non-binary!”

“Really?” It is all I can think of to say. This is so unexpected. Compassion for Skye wells up inside me as I think of her introducing this no doubt foreign concept to her fundamentalist parents.

“It’s true! Skye said she’d never felt very comfortable as a girl. She did always do a lot of tomboy things around the farm, but I thought that was kind of how a lot of farm girls act. She said, though, she always had a deeper disconnect inside. It wasn’t just adjusting to ‘girls can do anything’ or being gay or being a kind of butch type of woman which would fix that. She really feels uncomfortable trying to be totally female.”

“How did she come across non-binary as a solution?”

“She’s been searching the internet for a long time. Then, when she went to teacher training college, she roomed with someone who knew a lot about the gay scene. They had long talks, and she slowly noticed others around campus using ‘they’ and ‘them’ as pronouns and wearing more androgynous clothing which she prefers too. She wants everyone to use ‘they’ and ‘them’ as pronouns for her. So, I should do that from now on, I keep forgetting.”

“It is hard using ‘they’ and ‘them’ isn’t it?” I responded. “You feel you’re suddenly addressing a crowd of people. A friend of mine suggested using ‘tis’ and ‘eim,’ but terms need to arise naturally. Remember the rocky start that ‘Ms’ had in the 1980s?”

Charity looks blank. Of course, she is too young to remember that.

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